Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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