Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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