how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
