is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
