She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
