I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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