Pappa wants mamma naked
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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