Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
