I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
this will be a night to untag.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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