i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
