I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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