I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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