he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Bring me that man meat
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize