I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
false alarm. still invincible.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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