Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
