If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Two words: blizzard sex
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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