i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize