8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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