So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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