she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
