I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
