bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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