Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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