he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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