We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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