is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
