i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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