I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
