dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
