1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
