I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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