I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
