butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
