Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
