Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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