i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
