I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
