I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
