I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
