Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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