First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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