The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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