wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
