you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
