walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
