A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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