brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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