idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
