I'm going to jail i love you
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
