Betty ford says i'm here all night
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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