even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
