Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize