one might say we're banned from that church
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
