There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
