mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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