Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
