How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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