Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
