apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
