brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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