life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
