so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
