I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
