Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
