I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The uberlube is also flammable
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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