my phone needs a breathalizer
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Randomize