He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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