i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
