No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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