I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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