I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
