You really coming over, don't trick.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we made out on top of his cat.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
