Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
