I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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